She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
