my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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