It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
