Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
