you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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