Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize