Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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