My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
