I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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