i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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