i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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