Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize