If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
