i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
