No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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