I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I queefed so loud it echoed.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
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