before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
