I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
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