What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i drank out of a bidet.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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