I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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