When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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