If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
