i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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