he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
