wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I need to stop coming to work sober
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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