oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Use "feeling words"
Yay
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
