Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Farmville is her only friend.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
