she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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