Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
