there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
