xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
