ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
