His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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