do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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