The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
