did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
