I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
