i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
she smelled like a LAN party
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
