Umm I'm too high to move.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
