so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
