This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
