remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
