thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
