Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize
