I've blown a few things in my day
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
