I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
