The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
