I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
