yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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