I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
