who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
