i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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