You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
