i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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