just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
