omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Randomize
