I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
