its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
