bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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