Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
