Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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