Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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