Only a mothe r could love this liver
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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