I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
