Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
