Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
