Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize